Emotional Immune System

 I recently did a post on social media and mentioned the emotional immune system. A few people wrote or messaged me and asked if there is really an emotional immune system, and I said, not only is there an emotional immune system, but there is also emotional inflammation, emotional diseases, so to speak. Emotions are part of who we are. They are there for better or worse. We ALL have an emotional immune system, which is basically a psychological mechanism that helps keep us resilient, and if we understand what it is, it can be strengthened to make us stronger physically, spiritually, and mentally.

 Emotional immune system is the foundation of emotional resilience. An emotional immune system is not just about having negative thoughts; it is about us learning to observe them and learning to live with them. I recently spoke of suicide being a complete depletion of the emotional immune system and I think it is important that we begin to recognize this wonderful system called the emotional immune system because we underestimate our abilities to weather emotional storms.

 We need to remember a few things about the emotional immune system, and the first one is mood affects our immune systems. Notice I said system. For instance, when we are always angry, we tend to have high blood pressure, skin problems such as eczema and heart attacks. Science has discovered when we experience anxiety it affects health concerns like heart disease, diabetes, respiratory issues, and concerns as well and thyroid problems. When we feel guilty, we have physical symptoms such as difficulties with sleep, stomach and digestion issues, and muscle tension.

 Did you know that one minute of anger can weaken the immune system for up to five hours? Imagine being angry for an hour, or all day, or for months or years! Not to worry because just like vitamin C can help strengthen the physical immune system, one minute of laughter can strengthen that system for up to 24 hours. I say that is an easy antidote for anger. No there is no such thing as toxic laughter like people believe being too positive is toxic, being optimistic or laughing is not toxic, so be positive, or I should say optimistic because positive has turned into a toxic thing these days so just laugh a lot and boost your immune system.

 We need to build our emotional immune system because it can cause emotional inflammation. I am celiac and cannot eat gluten or my joints get inflammation, and I am uncomfortable. It is the same with emotions, we can get them inflamed with things such as anger, guilt, shame, resentments, worry, and stress. We move slower because perhaps we are lacking sleep, or we are getting more irritable than normal or we feel low levels of energy and we start feeling helpless or even hopeless and we withdraw. This is what happens when our emotions are inflamed and not taken care of.

 Look we live in a world where there are a lot of emotional landmines such as wars, politics, gun violence, dividedness, financial issues, crime, relationship problems, and your cortisol is cascading like Niagara Falls. Ibuprofen won't stop this kind of inflammation but there are things you can do to help reduce the inflammation of emotions and build on that emotional immune system.

 A word we hear often is "I was triggered" and triggers deplete our emotional immune system and clearly affects our emotional inflammation. Triggers happen, however, if we are triggered, which are about memories or experiences that create a very powerful emotional reaction, remember to breathe and tell yourself you are right here and right now and are safe. Another thing that helps is to examine and try to change or at least shift beliefs that you’ve carried around from your family or society and then reprogram those negative beliefs. Of course, if you are triggered easily, and your emotional immune system is depleted, then counseling is a wonderful option.

 Another way to build the emotional immune system is try not to be perfect. I see it way too often people not achieving perfection and then they become despondent and depressed and angry at themselves. What we need to realize is we are enough in all we say and do. That's right, our imperfections are beautiful. We have been told from the beginning to be perfect. Get perfect grades, do everything perfectly and we have basically been brainwashed to work towards perfection and I must tell you, it steals our joy. I am a huge advocate of being the best we can be and that is not perfect. Just be you and embrace the mistakes.

 Try not to stuff your emotions! I understand that it is a habit we created, however, this shuts your emotions down. It is healthy to feel them. What is not okay is to allow it to deplete you. If an emotion comes up and you notice it is inflaming you or depleting you, then sit with it for a few and know that it will pass. Our emotions are impermanent, and they eventually subside. They are also motivators so find appropriate ways with peace and compassion to let the emotions out and free yourself from them. Stuffing emotions is like having a clogged artery so find and way to safely release and clear it.

 Of course, I believe mindfulness and staying in the moment is one of the best ways to regulate our emotional immune system. When we stay in the moment it allows us time to work on love, patience and compassion for self and others. It also gives us the opportunity to self-observe and practice self-understanding and insight. Here’s the thing, let’s say an emotion arises. Okay so just pause for a moment and allow yourself to bring awareness to your thoughts and reactions. This is part of mindfulness.

 Another part of mindfulness is to practice some form of meditation. Try not to let your emotions hold you hostage. It is so important to help calm and heal emotional inflammation and build resiliency and strengthen the emotional immune system. With meditation, we can try to experience and use the positive energy of each emotion. It also allows us to listen to what our emotions are saying and to reduce emotional inflammation. Go ahead, feel it, learn from it, release it, and boost that wonderful emotional immune system of yours so you can walk in peace.

Deal With A Pathological Liar

 

I think at some point in our lives, we have come across a pathological liar. I have friends and clients that talk about how difficult it is to deal with a pathological liar. It isn't easy and takes a great deal of patience and skill.  Pathological lying refers to the behavior of someone who compulsively lies. It seems like every word that comes out of their mouth is a lie, and it is an addiction. One that is difficult to stop and one that is even more difficult to deal with.

 A pathological liar is someone who lies compulsively and without reason or benefit. They lie because it is all they know. Pathological lying may be a sign of an underlying mental health condition, such as a personality disorder. Pathological lying is a possible symptom of certain personality disorders, borderline personality disorder (BPD) narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) antisocial personality disorder (APD). In addition, most of them suffer from sever anxiety.

 Though this topic has not been studied as thoroughly as it should be, it is believed that they have deeply rooted issues that stem from childhood. People who did not get their needs met as children may begin lying as a coping mechanism, to get the love and reassurance they crave. Or they may internalize the message early on that they are not good enough, so they lie to hide what they see as unforgiveable personal flaws that make them unworthy of others’ love. This is also why many narcissists are pathological liars.

 Pathological liars are so used to lying that they don’t even know that they are doing it. Experts believe they may not know the difference between fact and fiction. What they do know is that it is very uncomfortable for them to tell the truth. Many of the lies these people tell might have a slight element of truth to them, however, keep in mind, not much. Truth is that their stories are beyond exaggerated to make them appear smarter, more attractive, have more power and be more certain of themselves.

They make up stories that sound real enough that people believe them. They then add more lies to back up the original lies. The lies they tell can be outlandish and easily disproved. For example, they love to change their history by falsely claiming to have received an award or did things that they never did, or have illness and injury they never had.  They like being made the hero or victim or both in their stories. They tend to tell lies that seem to be geared at gaining admiration, sympathy, and acceptance by others.

 Pathological liars are terrified of being “found out.” Even if all the evidence points to the fact that they are lying, they will continue to deny it to the end because telling the truth is so uncomfortable and being caught, well it just won’t happen. Don’t be surprised if they continue to lie regardless of how much evidence there is that they are lying. You need to remember if you catch a pathological liar you will not get far. In fact, when you confront the person with their lies, they will deny it and with more lies.

Pathological liars often believe their own lies so if you try to catch them, they will defend their lies and if you continue to try to catch them, their lies only get worse. That means you are creating the problem. So tuck your ego and frustration away because confronting them will not stop them, try to give up any expectation that you’ll make them see the truth, or admit you’re right and they’re wrong. You may be sorely disappointed. People need to understand the pathological liar is unapproachable and if you continue to try to catch them in the lies, that becomes the definition of insanity.

 People ask what they should do.  Number one is don’t take it personally and stop trying to catch them in their lies to prove you are right and they are wrong. Let it go! When you continue to confront them, it becomes about you and your ego, not your hurt, frustration and anger.  Just don’t take their lies to heart and when you know they are lying, give them no eye contact and change the topic. Stay calm! Don’t engage with lies. Just gently start a different conversation. Make sure you reach out to healthy people and get validation if you need to. They spend a great deal of time trying to confuse you, so seek validation of your history because they are thieves.

Remember that the pathological liar has no consciousness of how the lies make you feel. If they have any awareness, they do not care about your feelings as they are incapable of empathy, so you may want to try to set healthy boundaries and take care of yourself. It has nothing to do with you and you are allowed to grow. These people will not seek counseling, so be sure you get help if you feel you are overly frustrated. Gather tools that can help you walk the higher ground.  Most importantly, know that no one can rob you of your truth and that prevents you from walking in peace, so walk in peace.

Possibilities Through Difficult Times

I was telling a client recently about possibilities through difficult times. My client liked the story so much they asked me to post the story. I tell this story often when I am speaking in public or I am at events. I tell it not because I feel sorry for myself rather I am empowered by the events that convinced me that there is always possibilities through difficult times.

It was Thanksgiving 2015. I had just had double foot surgery and it was a few days after Thanksgiving when our landlords who were close friends came to our door and proceeded to tell us they wanted us to move out from the place we have lived for the past 6 years. We were never late for rent and paid often 6 months in advance. 

We were needless to say devastated that close friends, would kick us out over the holidays and while laid up so their new friends could move in. We were angry, hurt and frightened. My partner just recently completed radiation and we had no money as we had to pay for many medical bills. There was no talking to them and we had no choice but over the holidays be prepared to look for a place and move.

We qualified for a home loan, and was able to purchase a home on Christmas Eve. Not just a house, but a beautiful home well taken care of and everything we wanted. One that was big and light and all in working order. It was a huge step from where we were living. Our community pitched in and raised thousands of dollars to help us with some of the costs and got together to helped us pack and move. Some even pitched in for the movers and plenty people were there to help this all happen.

It has been about 8 months since we were kicked out and in my 58 years of life, I do not think I have ever been so happy in a home. We have friendly neighbors, our household appliances work, we stay warm in the winter, we have a beautiful yard and all of our friends say they love coming to visit us now. Because I work at home, my business picked up and our mortgage was cheaper than the rent we were paying out so we were able to catch up on medical bills.

We sit each day on our wonderful porch and thank the universe for giving us such a warm and wonderful home in a kind neighborhood. What I learned from this was even in the most difficult times, we discovered the possibilities. Had the landlords not kicked us out over the Thanksgiving weekend, our community would not have found a cause to reach out, we would be stuck in unfavorable living conditions and we would never be this happy in our life. It was z ripple effect of happiness and possibilities for many.

It is true that life deals everyone difficult times and working hard and cultivating positive emotions on a daily basis helps people cope. When we look back at this difficult time, it strengthened our spirituality, gave us new friends, we learned to appreciate life much more, and we gained a great deal of strength. We kept a daily gratitude list, we meditated more, and we learned that it is these difficult times that give us so many gifts.

Next time something horrible happens always know there is a flip side.  I love to tell this story because it turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to us. It is a good reminder to share with people that you too can overcome anything. For great freedom of anxiety when bad things happen, remember that there is always possibilities through difficult times. 

Minute Meditation for Mental Health

Welcome to today's blog.  One thing I try to tell people is that even if you meditate everyday just for a minute or two, after eight weeks, there can be a shift in the way you feel. A study from Harvard researchers at Massachusetts General Hospital can back up my statement as they have found that meditating for only 8 weeks actually significantly changed the brain’s grey matter. So what that means is that meditation has wonderful evidence of improving memory, empathy, sense of self, and stress relief.

Science seems to constantly be validating the claims about meditation being good for mental health especially for depression, anxiety, PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder), and ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder). please do not take my word, there are over 600 research studies meditation.

Meditation does not mean you need to sit with your knees crossed and say OM. You can sit in a chair, lay on your bed and I have even meditated standing in a long line. The practice involves sitting comfortably, (sometimes standing) focusing on your breathing, and bringing your mind’s attention to the now without drifting into what is going on or the past or future.

Sometimes to stay focused I say mantra's such as "right here right now" or " I am love and light". If things wonder in my mind, I do not freak out, I just gently try to push it out using my mantra and focusing on counting my breath. Counting helps me stay focused. So if you want to try this exercise for a minute a day, it would be a great start to start your path into feeling mentally healthy naturally.

Find a place to sit or lay comfortably. Sit straight so your lungs can get deep breaths in.  Either close your eyes or look down.

Breathe in for 6 seconds

Hold your breath for 6 seconds

Release for 6 seconds

Hold for 6 seconds

Breathe in for 6 seconds

Hold your breath for 6 seconds

Release for 6 seconds

Hold for 6 seconds

Practice this for one minute several times a day.

What is Holistic Mental Health Care?

The first time I wondered about holistic mental health I was sent to a naturopath doctor who wanted to do hundreds of dollars of testing on me. It would cost me a fortune. They first wanted a long three hour session for about 350.00. I had depression, Part of my depression at the time was caused by financial distress. I was in college and just wanted to get through it.   They also said be prepared to have their testing and they were going to give me “their” products to buy. All in all it would have costed me over 800.00 -1,000.00 just for a visit. Truth is, any blood work I could get done by my insurance and Amazon and local health food stores have great prices on supplements. So why would I pay that much? That is not holistic mental health.

One of the reasons I got into the field was to make it affordable to people. Holistic mental health care stands for treating people outside the realm of traditional care. When I was working as a clinician, my first task was to assess people and then send them to a psychiatrist for medication. It is pretty much the standard. Grieving? Get put on drugs. Going through a divorce? Drugs will take care of that. Feeling insecure and not lots of self-esteem? Apparently there are drugs for that as well. Depressed? Seems like the ONLY option for that is a series of drugs. None of this is true.

I cannot say in my years of working mainstream counseling that pills helped grief, divorces, anger or mild to moderate depression. What I found really worked was spending time focused on health and wellbeing and look at thing such as diet, lifestyle habits, supplements, sleep, and exercise. The key factor here was spending time with the person. Listening, being in the person’s energy, looking for solutions not just ways to mask their symptoms, which is what medication does.

Holistic mental health understands that traditional medicine or psychology has a limited understanding and knowledge about the role of body chemistry in mental health and the impact of diet, nutrition, and chemicals in the environment on the brain. Mental health is extremely affected by issues such as food allergies, nutritional deficiencies, hormonal imbalances, hypoglycemia- low blood sugar, and thyroid.

Traditional medicine also overlooks the powerful roles that spirituality plays on the emotional body and aspect of soul, our connection to spirit should be taken into consideration in the process of healing. A good sense of spirituality promotes healthy self-esteem, better motivation, and helps people come to terms with powerful inner experiences. Medical studies indicate that spiritual people exhibit fewer self-destructive behaviors such as drugs, alcohol, gambling and risk taking behaviors. 

Addressing mental health issues holistically means being able to look at the system as a whole. Clients have an array of options in holistic mental health and are empowered with the fact that they have a choice in their treatment option. The client as well as the holistic health care provider work together as a team to make sure the body the mind and the spirit is being treated as a whole.

Laughter Heals

A funny thing happened to me on the way out of 2016; I laughed. It has been a difficult year for many people and we have to remember Plato’s remark, "Even the Gods love jokes." People underestimate the power of laughter. The physical effects of laughter on the body include increased breathing, increased oxygen use, short-term changes in hormones and certain neurotransmitters, and increased heart rate.

Laughter can be a powerful antidote to depression and anxiety – without a prescription and without side effects. Laughter relieves tension, improves our sense of well-being, serves as an outlet for anger and provides a healthy escape from reality.

William Fry, M.D., professor of psychiatry at Stanford University Medical School and expert on health and laughter, reports the average kindergarten student laughs 300 times a day. Yet, adults average just 17 laughs a day. Why the difference? Are we too uptight, too tense? Do we take life too seriously? Isn’t it time we learned how to relax? We don’t stop laughing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop laughing. So, if we want to fly like the angels and share in their happiness, we’ll have to follow their example and take ourselves lightly.

Did you know that laughter strengthens the immune system, lowers blood pressure, triggers the release of endorphin's which give you a sense of well-being, reduces stress and anxiety because it naturally relaxes you? Keep in mind humor isn’t about merely telling jokes; it’s the way we view the world. We can be sincere about life without taking it so seriously. We can laugh about our mistakes and pain. So lighten up! You need to laugh more. Look for the humor in your everyday problems. You can worry yourself sick, or laugh till you wee yourself.

This is Tyler Woods laughing in peace.

Children and Mental Health

It is a topic we so rarely talk about; mental health and children. In all reality, who wants to look it? Not the children and parents, why they seems to think that it is their fault a society blames them so not the parents, so who looks at it? Yet children being diagnosed with psychiatric conditions at an alarming rate and rarely do we want to look at that fact little long talk about it.

There are many issues children need to deal with growing up. In today’s world we have a divorce rate of over 50%, our unemployment is astounding, people are losing their homes, parents are worried, teachers are distracted, and young children feel this. How could they not? To top that off, school bullying has increased and so has cyber bullying, and kids are getting it from every direction.

Is being bullied or worried about your family a Prozac deficiency or is it a natural response? Do the trying threes really require an antidepressant? Some doctors and pharmaceutical companies would say yes. In fact, the number of school children prescribed anti-depressants and mind-altering drugs has more than quadrupled in the last decade. New figures show general practitioners are prescribing pills in record numbers to combat stress, violent behavior and even tiredness.

Child drugging has been a huge profitable market with earnings of about $4.8 billion dollars a year. Pharmaceutical companies have done everything in their power to convince the press, legislators and especially parents why children need to be put on drugs.

There are 20 million children in the United States who have been diagnosed with some kind of psychiatric disorder and drugged for it. It has become an epidemic. Innocent children are being turned into patients for simply acting like kids. As we know, there have been a number of serious and deadly results from young people taking medications for depression. Many if not all the recent school shootings have shown us a picture of a disturbed young person who is on some type of antidepressant. But that is not is as disturbing as three and four-year olds on antidepressants.

Let’s look at ADHD and children. At this very moment at least 6,000,000 U.S. school children are being administered Ritalin or other addictive, mind-altering, psychiatric drugs. A pediatric psychologist became concerned when she was suddenly inundated with ADHD referrals. She worried that the disorder was being over diagnosed and began a study of 30,000 grade school students in two school districts in Virginia. The study raises many questions about ADHD diagnosis but provides few answers. Were previous estimates too low Is ADHD being over diagnosed, or are doctors now doing a better job of diagnosing it.

In the U.S. and many of those are being prescribed medication because the parent, daycare worker or school teacher feels that the child might be ADHD.

Did I say that right? A person working in day care who has no medical or psychology background are telling parents their child has ADHD? That is about as scary as it gets! It is almost as scary as parents are not being informed about all the potential risks to their child when they agree to a psychiatric drug prescription.

According to testimony given in the fall of 2004 to the Congressional Energy and Commerce Committee insignificant results were found in two thirds of the studies in which children were given anti-depressants and compared to children given a placebo.

About 1.5 million children ages 5 on up take Ritalin for relief from attention and hyperactivity disorders, researchers reported in the journal Pediatrics. The drug’s popularity is growing. Ritalin use is up 250% since 1990, according to a recent article in the Journal of the American Medical Association.

How do we help? Did you know that the vast majority of medical doctors consider ADHD to be of unknown causes? What we do know is that the elimination of food additives and refined sugar produces dramatic improvements not just for children with ADHD but for children who show signs of depression.

One thing I have noticed when I work with children with ADHD or depression and anxiety is their diet. I ask the parents to keep a food diary for their kids for two weeks. Some parents are honest some are not.

After reading all the food diaries I began to look at how we send our children to school. Let’s say we give them a nice bowl of Frosted Mini Wheat’s which have 10 sugars and a whopping 41 grams of cards which turns to sugar. Now add milk, non-fat or low fat milk is pact with sugar on the average 12-15 grams. Now let me tell you that 1 teaspoon of granulated sugar equals 4 grams of sugar. Now 3.75 grams of carbs equal 1 gram of sugar. So a small bowl of frosted mini Wheats with a cup of milk equals about 14 teaspoon of sugar.

Feeding our children fresh fruits and a good protein source offers good brain health. Carbohydrate loaded breakfasts of frozen waffles, pancakes, pastry rolls and cold cereal do nothing to feed the brain. Instead, eat an omelet with low-fat cheese and a lean meat to activate neurotransmitters in the brain. If you are in a time crunch, have them drink a protein shake for breakfast.

Foods That Are Good For You

• Vegetables (except corn, potatoes and squash).

• Beans and peas

• Fruit

• Nuts and seeds

• Fish oils, Flaxseed oil, Olive oil, Primrose oil

• Leans meats

• Eggs

• Low-fat cheeses

• Protein powder

Foods To Avoid or Decrease

• Breads and pasta from processed white flour

• White rice white potatoes

• Desserts, ice cream, candy, chocolate, cookies, doughnuts

• Powdered or refined sugar

• Soda, sports drinks, tea, coffee and alcohol

• Fast foods, burgers, pizza, hotdogs, milkshakes

• Processed foods-Hotdogs, lunchmeat

• Junk food, chips, soda

• Fruit juices

• Artificial colors flavors and preservatives

• Artificial sweeteners (aspartame, saccharin, sucralose).

Folate is one of the B vitamins and helps aid in depression. Foods high in folates include: orange juice, strawberries, citrus fruits and juices, leafy green vegetables, whole grain breads, and pinto, navy and kidney beans. Foods rich in protein are rich in an amino acid called tyrosine. Tyrosine may help boost levels of the brain chemicals dopamine and norepinephrine, which can help treat depression as well as ADHD. Foods include turkey, tuna, salmon or chicken beans and peas, lean beef, low-fat cheese, almonds, milk, poultry, soy products, yogurt.