Children and Mental Health

It is a topic we so rarely talk about; mental health and children. In all reality, who wants to look it? Not the children and parents, why they seems to think that it is their fault a society blames them so not the parents, so who looks at it? Yet children being diagnosed with psychiatric conditions at an alarming rate and rarely do we want to look at that fact little long talk about it.

There are many issues children need to deal with growing up. In today’s world we have a divorce rate of over 50%, our unemployment is astounding, people are losing their homes, parents are worried, teachers are distracted, and young children feel this. How could they not? To top that off, school bullying has increased and so has cyber bullying, and kids are getting it from every direction.

Is being bullied or worried about your family a Prozac deficiency or is it a natural response? Do the trying threes really require an antidepressant? Some doctors and pharmaceutical companies would say yes. In fact, the number of school children prescribed anti-depressants and mind-altering drugs has more than quadrupled in the last decade. New figures show general practitioners are prescribing pills in record numbers to combat stress, violent behavior and even tiredness.

Child drugging has been a huge profitable market with earnings of about $4.8 billion dollars a year. Pharmaceutical companies have done everything in their power to convince the press, legislators and especially parents why children need to be put on drugs.

There are 20 million children in the United States who have been diagnosed with some kind of psychiatric disorder and drugged for it. It has become an epidemic. Innocent children are being turned into patients for simply acting like kids. As we know, there have been a number of serious and deadly results from young people taking medications for depression. Many if not all the recent school shootings have shown us a picture of a disturbed young person who is on some type of antidepressant. But that is not is as disturbing as three and four-year olds on antidepressants.

Let’s look at ADHD and children. At this very moment at least 6,000,000 U.S. school children are being administered Ritalin or other addictive, mind-altering, psychiatric drugs. A pediatric psychologist became concerned when she was suddenly inundated with ADHD referrals. She worried that the disorder was being over diagnosed and began a study of 30,000 grade school students in two school districts in Virginia. The study raises many questions about ADHD diagnosis but provides few answers. Were previous estimates too low Is ADHD being over diagnosed, or are doctors now doing a better job of diagnosing it.

In the U.S. and many of those are being prescribed medication because the parent, daycare worker or school teacher feels that the child might be ADHD.

Did I say that right? A person working in day care who has no medical or psychology background are telling parents their child has ADHD? That is about as scary as it gets! It is almost as scary as parents are not being informed about all the potential risks to their child when they agree to a psychiatric drug prescription.

According to testimony given in the fall of 2004 to the Congressional Energy and Commerce Committee insignificant results were found in two thirds of the studies in which children were given anti-depressants and compared to children given a placebo.

About 1.5 million children ages 5 on up take Ritalin for relief from attention and hyperactivity disorders, researchers reported in the journal Pediatrics. The drug’s popularity is growing. Ritalin use is up 250% since 1990, according to a recent article in the Journal of the American Medical Association.

How do we help? Did you know that the vast majority of medical doctors consider ADHD to be of unknown causes? What we do know is that the elimination of food additives and refined sugar produces dramatic improvements not just for children with ADHD but for children who show signs of depression.

One thing I have noticed when I work with children with ADHD or depression and anxiety is their diet. I ask the parents to keep a food diary for their kids for two weeks. Some parents are honest some are not.

After reading all the food diaries I began to look at how we send our children to school. Let’s say we give them a nice bowl of Frosted Mini Wheat’s which have 10 sugars and a whopping 41 grams of cards which turns to sugar. Now add milk, non-fat or low fat milk is pact with sugar on the average 12-15 grams. Now let me tell you that 1 teaspoon of granulated sugar equals 4 grams of sugar. Now 3.75 grams of carbs equal 1 gram of sugar. So a small bowl of frosted mini Wheats with a cup of milk equals about 14 teaspoon of sugar.

Feeding our children fresh fruits and a good protein source offers good brain health. Carbohydrate loaded breakfasts of frozen waffles, pancakes, pastry rolls and cold cereal do nothing to feed the brain. Instead, eat an omelet with low-fat cheese and a lean meat to activate neurotransmitters in the brain. If you are in a time crunch, have them drink a protein shake for breakfast.

Foods That Are Good For You

• Vegetables (except corn, potatoes and squash).

• Beans and peas

• Fruit

• Nuts and seeds

• Fish oils, Flaxseed oil, Olive oil, Primrose oil

• Leans meats

• Eggs

• Low-fat cheeses

• Protein powder

Foods To Avoid or Decrease

• Breads and pasta from processed white flour

• White rice white potatoes

• Desserts, ice cream, candy, chocolate, cookies, doughnuts

• Powdered or refined sugar

• Soda, sports drinks, tea, coffee and alcohol

• Fast foods, burgers, pizza, hotdogs, milkshakes

• Processed foods-Hotdogs, lunchmeat

• Junk food, chips, soda

• Fruit juices

• Artificial colors flavors and preservatives

• Artificial sweeteners (aspartame, saccharin, sucralose).

Folate is one of the B vitamins and helps aid in depression. Foods high in folates include: orange juice, strawberries, citrus fruits and juices, leafy green vegetables, whole grain breads, and pinto, navy and kidney beans. Foods rich in protein are rich in an amino acid called tyrosine. Tyrosine may help boost levels of the brain chemicals dopamine and norepinephrine, which can help treat depression as well as ADHD. Foods include turkey, tuna, salmon or chicken beans and peas, lean beef, low-fat cheese, almonds, milk, poultry, soy products, yogurt.

Natural PTSD Treatment

Post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a lasting consequence of traumatic ordeals that cause intense fear, helplessness, or horror and people are treating PTSD naturally. Everyone reacts to traumatic events differently and people are unique in their ability to manage fear and stress which is why it is important to have a variety of options to treat PTSD.

PTSD is a condition that people develop after they experience a traumatic event. It is estimated that 8% of Americans will experience PTSD at some point in their lives. The traumatic events associated with PTSD are combat exposure, childhood abuse, rape, physical attack, being threatened with a weapon, car or plane crash, and witnessing a violent crime or incident. About 30% of the men and women who have spent time in war zones experience PTSD.

Symptoms of PTSD

* Flashbacks which is acting or feeling like the event is happening again

* Nightmares of either of the event or of other frightening things

* Inability to remember important aspects of the trauma

* Difficulty falling or staying asleep

* Irritability or outbursts of anger

* Difficulty concentrating

* Hypervigilance and feeling jumpy and easily startled

* Anger and irritability

* Guilt, shame, or self-blame

* Depression and hopelessness

* Suicidal thoughts and feelings

* Headaches, stomach problems, chest pain

Natural Ways of PTSD Treatment

It is strongly suggested that people who experience PTSD symptoms avoid stimulants, such as caffeine from chocolate, coffee, black tea, colas as well as alcohol. Maintaining balanced blood sugar levels helps stabilize moods. People will need to smaller and frequent meals and try to avoid processed, refined, and simple sugars.

Nutritional Supplements, Vitamins, and Herbs

* GABA is an amino acid that is known to play a role in the physiology of anxiety.

*  Amino acids like GABA help very well however,  Taurine, Theanine, Glycine, Glutamine, and 5-hydroxy Tryptophan;(5HTP) work very well.

* B-complex helps reduce anxiety associated with PTSD.

* Kava is an herb that is used widely for nervous anxiety, tension, agitation, and insomnia. Kava works in a similar way to prescription benzodiazepine drugs such as Xanax and Valium.

* Omega-3 fatty acids, can nourish brain cells and reduce inflammation that increase the stress hormone levels. Also helps aid in depression. 

* Valerian is an herbal tranquilizer that is best known as a remedy for insomnia. It calms the nervous system, balances mood swings, and is not habit forming.

* Other calming herbs that are frequently recommended for anxiety include chamomile, hops, lemon balm, passion flower, skullcap, and suma.

* Homeopathy remedies have been shown to have a profound effect on children and adults suffering from PTSD.  Stramonium is effective for nightmares and night terrors, and Staphysagria helps children and adults deal with nightmares after violence. 

Other Alternative PTSD Therapies

* Physical activity such as exercise is perhaps the safest and most effective method of managing stress.

* Biofeedback – Where a person is attached to an EEG machine and, by listening to the kind and amount of brain waves produced, learns to change them in ways that ultimately affect both behavior and feelings.

* Aromatherapy – Essential oils that are used for PTSD can include; bergamot, cypress, geranium, jasmine, lavender, melissa, neroli, rose, sandalwood, ylang-ylang.

* Bodywork – Massage therapy, shiatsu, and other forms of bodywork can relax muscle tension, relieve stress, and improve sleep.

* EFT (emotional freedom techniques) or “tapping” operates on the premise that all negative emotions are a disruption in the body’s energy system and can work well with PTSD.

* Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), which requires one to make several sets of side-to-side eye movements while recalling a traumatic incident, seems to help reduce PTSD symptoms.

* Stress-Reduction Techniques – Mind/body breathing exercises, physical exercise, yoga, tai chi, self-hypnosis, massage, meditation, guided imagery, and biofeedback are just some of the stress reduction techniques also used for relieving anxiety.

People who suffer from PTSD have a wide variety of healthy alternative besides harmful medications to deal with this disorder and can begin to see the effects of this disorder dissipate. 

Medical Conditions Not Depression

Most doctors who treat patients suffering from depression use conventional medicines to treat the symptoms which we now know only work about 50% of the time. In today’s world and modern medicine, doctors are quick to diagnose depression, and then medicate.

The use of pharmaceuticals to address depressions and to stabilize moods can lead to significant side effects, and many patients find themselves having to choose between living with these unpleasant effects or discontinuing medications. Others find that despite the exhaustive switching back and forth process involving different combinations of drugs, their depression continues to present major problems for them and are turning to alternative methods to treat their depression.

Alternative methods include treating the body as a whole and looking for the alternate explanations for what psychiatrists may have labeled depression. For example, food allergies may cause severe mood swings, depression and insomnia in some people, and untreated endocrine problems are widely recognized as causing depression Some other causes of depression that could be caused by health reasons includes;

• Nutritional deficiencies

• Lack of exercise

• Hypothyroidism

• Hyperthyroidism

• Poor adrenal function

• Other hormonal disorders

• Hypoglycemia (low blood sugar)

• Hyrperglycemia (high blood sugar)

• Food Allergies

• Heavy metals (such as mercury, lead, aluminum, cadmium, and thallium)

• Premenstrual syndrome

• Sleep disturbances

• Infections

• Influenza

• Menopause

• Certain medications

• Somatic disorders

• Chronic pain

• Heart disease

With so many health factors that can cause depression, people experiencing depression should first consider having a complete physical exam to eliminate any possible health problems. Unfortunately, in our society, many doctors treat depression with medication before performing a full physical evaluation. Part of the reason for doctor’s quick action for medicating a depressed person is insurance protocol. It is far cheaper to medicate the depressed person rather than spend thousands of dollars running a series of tests and procedures.

If you have been diagnosed with depression, be sure to ask your physician about a complete physical, Which includes blood work for a variety of ailments. As a patient, you have the right to a complete physical. Many holistic practitioners now perform a series of tests that can help diagnose food allergies, nutritional deficiencies and a variety of other health related issues that can contribute to depression. 

Is It Gossip or Venting?

I had several people ask me question from my last post. They were wondering what the difference is between gossiping and venting. Basically gossip serves no purpose other than to cause harm. We all have been guilty of gossip. Everyone has done it. Bottom line is words have wonderful power and gossip is a misuse of that power.

I believe that when we make a choice to gossip we are coming from our ego selves. More than likely it is because we are doing it to judge or at least get a reaction. We gossip to make us feel good or to try to turn others against someone. We want people to see someone the way we see them. We try to change people’s minds with gossip and hope they judge others.

Is there a difference between gossiping and venting? Of course there is. I enjoy a good vent. I trust a closed mouth friend, let them know I am venting and I say, “This is not to gossip, I need to talk and perhaps get some direction or feedback.” I try to talk without disrupting the other person’s reputation. I do not put the person down, and on most occasions, I tell the other person I talked about them to other person for insight or just needed to vent. Most spiritual people get it and thank me for telling them.

How do I know if it is venting or gossiping? The first thing I do is look at the person who is talking to me. Is this a pattern? Are they cutting someone down with intent or are they showing concern?  I then try to listen for the focus of the conversation if any of it involves “putting the person down” they are not venting, they are gossiping.

It may be confusing, try to remember that venting is talking about someone with the sincere hopes a finding positive solution while gossiping focus on the other person with intent to cause a negative reaction about the person.

Another question I get asked often is why do people gossip. The answer is simple. Gossip is weapons of mass distraction. People who need to gossip and say things about another person are not walking a spiritual path and are frightened to look at their own selves. These people often tend to have a public outlook that they are healthy and kind and loving, however, deep inside, they are afraid to look at their own self because they are frightened as to what they may find. People who gossip really need to make others look bad so they look good.

It is okay to vent. Share with a closed mouth friend what frustrates you and look for a positive solution. Friendship should be treated with respect and wanting to find positive solutions show you what kind of friend you really are. If someone does gossip about you, tried to tell others that you are such and such way in hopes others will side with you, that is gossip and time to get some counseling and try to connect with yourself and your self-esteem.

If you are in the path of someone who gossips, remember, your friendship circle more than likely has positive people in it and most your friends will not judge you and might even suggest to the gossiper to spend time looking at their own needs rather than others. Most important, do not let gossip anger you. Send the person gossiping lots of energy love and light because they lack it in their life. Perhaps through your actions, you might be able to help the person redirect their need to use hate and anger towards others. Make sure people know there is no room in your heart for gossip but plenty room for venting.

How To Deal With People Who Cause Harm

I see it all too much in my private practice where clients are upset because people are trying with intent to cause harm. I too, have been a person that has been affected by people who try to cause you harm. I am always amazed that people really try to create harm with intent. My clients often ask, why do people cause harm with intent and what we can do to not let it affect us?

Great question! So why would people cause harm with intent? The first thought is these are emotionally insecure people. These type of people have low levels of self-esteem and self-confidence and consequently feels insecure. In order to counter these feelings of insecurity they create situations in hopes to alleviate feelings of  inadequacy.

 Another reason is there could be a personality disorder which often create chaos and drama and the person creating it gets some sort of reward for it. They may need people to side with them so they can somehow feel a sense of security at the risk of harming others. Importantly, people who try to cause harm are people who suffer from being loved and lack of love for themselves. Truth is, they could just be bullies.

I cannot help but think, the biggest reasons people try to create harm with intent is their lack of spiritual self. To create harm with the pure intent of creating harm, really shows that there is no sense of spiritual self. The spiritual path is one of inner self-discovery. Its total focus is based upon one’s personal process of self-discovery and the search for greater meaning. The only requirement for spirituality is a willingness to commit oneself to total self-honesty and personal responsibility. People who cause harm with intent are people who are unable to take responsibility for their actions.

The question remains, how do we deal with people who cause harm with intent? Try to resist the urge to be defensive. This is what they want. They want to know they created harm and want you and others to become defensive. The solution would be just not to feel defensive. This alone defeats their harmful intent.

Try to count on your intuition. Our intuition is the GPS to our soul. So listen to what you souls GPS is saying. People who try to create a negative situation with intent are trying to create a whirl of emotions for others. Let your intuition guide you away from the situation and bless these people. They are showing their colors, which is often frightened and unaware of self-love rather they self-loath.

Do not to take it personally. These people are wanting to cause harm. It is their battle, and their inability to walk a path of peace. It has nothing to do with you. If others cannot love and accept you for who you are, send them love. They clearly are lacking that for themselves. Offer them kindness.

Finally, I have to say bless them. You may be angry, hurt, however, use this as an opportunity for spiritual growth. These people are in your life to teach you wonderful lessons. I once had a professor say, “Have no enemies, just allies.” Hold them close and realize these people are suffering. The real test is not what they do, it is what you do so walk the path of peace and move ahead of such people and be the peace.

Kindness--Don’t Take it Personal

Months back, something happened that rocked my world. I was hurt, angry and actually shocked by the events. I took it all inside and thought I was no good. Then I thought, I was so angry, I could never focus on life the correct way again. Then something happened, just a little something and a life change happened with it. Suddenly my anger turned to peace, and love and light, and mainly into kindness. My heart grew so big, I thought my chest would burst out.

 I remember when Gabby Giffords was shot and I could not deal with the grief and the pain of what happened. I told myself the only way through was to do a good deed every day until the one year anniversary came up. When the one year anniversary came up, I realized kindness cures so much and so I kept doing a kind acts.

Sometimes, I would want to use kindness sarcastically, I discovered when I did that, it ended up with sarcasm turning into sincerity. I believed it enough to make it so. Sometimes, when people are mean, I say kind things to them. Sometimes when people are really mean I try to do kind things for them.

I realize sitting here today writing, some people do not want your kindness. Sometimes, I have learned, there are people, where kindness does not beget kindness and the kindest thing we can do, is not be kind to them. This is not to say be mean, this is just to say, let them be, and when they are ready to accept kindness they will take it.

Why are people afraid of kindness and why would they rather push you away than take kindness? Many reasons really. Sometimes, they do not feel it is sincere, most of the time, they just cannot look at it because many fear kindness has a catch. Sometimes people cannot embrace your kindness because it aroused sadness, pain, anxiety. Mainly I think people take issue with kindness because we live in a society that does not trust.

I think we should practice random acts of kindness, but more important, we must wise to know that some people would rather citizen and attack you. Don’t take it personal. Surround them with love, light and kindness in your heart and in your mind and just move forward.  Let’s face it, being a kind person is about you and you can only hope others would want it. So pass kindness on, and don’t take it personal.

Faith Trusting the Process

For those who know me, you all know I am always saying trust the process. With so much to deal with this year, I believed with all my might that I trusted the process. What I have come to realize is that I was simply doing the footwork and was faking it till I thought I could make it. Then there came a point where faking it was no longer working and I was left very distrusting of the universe. Truth is I lost faith, or did I?

I never thought I would be put in a position of losing faith because I worked so hard throughout my life to gain my faith. I was raised that faith was believing in my families God and religion, which was very intolerable, and judgmental. It took me years to disown the God that was shoved down my throat and reinvent what I personally thought G-O-D was.

Then I realized that faith was not about God as much as faith was simply a complete and utter trust in someone or something. Faith is really hope, and trust. While faith is not blind, we can be blindsided and our faith can slip and fall. However, the question is do we ever really completely lose faith?

When my personal landscape becomes dark and the light is dim, I must remember that the dim light is still faith. Faith is difficult in dark trying moments, but keep in mind, even in your darkest moments, you make plans. You plan to eat, you plan to go to bed, you plan to go to work, you plan to cry, you make plans to sit and stare off at the wall, whatever it is, you make a plan whether you know it or not. It is important to know that when we make plans it means we have faith–we have faith that we will be alive to put those plans into action.

For instance, this morning when I woke up, I told my spouse at 5:30am that I had a 10:00am massage. I had faith that I would be alive and well to receive the massage. I know that doesn’t sound like faith, but it is faith. I trusted aka, had faith, that I would dress and show up for that appointment, and I did.

Looking at faith from a “religionless” point of view can be interesting. My faith is not in God as much as my faith is in the universe and trusting it’s process. My faith comes within myself that I am able to allow my plans to follow through. Life happens one moment at a time and when I begin to understand that, I am able to breathe deeper and more fully and trust, aka have faith, that the next moment will provide me with the things I may need, even if it is just the stillness and calmness that allows me to take a deep breath.

Losing faith isn’t about religion as much as just being able to trust the process in the very moment. Sometimes, all we can do is just be in that moment and have faith that the next breath will come and to me that is not losing faith as much as recognizing that I still have it. Can it get stronger? Of course, that is another blog!

Love and Fear and Hormones

I love to talk about fear. Come we all have it, but so many people won’t admit it. Sometimes fear all comes down to love and fear. Some would even say that is hormonal. Love is an expression of some sort of truth and fear is based on an irrational belief.

Fear and love can have a profound effect on our health. Oxytocin (also known as the hug hormone) helps induce emotional bonding, labor, and lactation. It can also counter the effects of cortisol. Negative effects of continued stress on the body and mind are related to elevated levels of cortisol. These include: chronic anxiety and depression, emotional over-reaction, negativity, weight gain, heart disease, high-blood pressure, and weakened immunity. Basically, when we come from a place of love rather than fear, our overall health improves and research and science can now prove it!

Fear—Cortisol

Aggression, arousal, anxiety, feeling stressed-out, activates addictions, depression, breaks down muscles, bones, and joints, depresses immune system, increases pain

clogs arteries, promotes heart disease, and high-blood pressure, obesity, diabetes, osteoporosis, decreases work production and motivation.

Love—Oxytocin

Anti-stress hormone, feeling calm and connected, increased curiosity

Lessens cravings and addictions, oxytocin appears to be a major reason as to why SSRIs ease depression, positive feelings, facilitates learning, promotes healthy social behavior, repairs, heals, and restores, faster wound healing, diminishes sense of pain,

lowers blood pressure, protects against heart disease, increases work productivity and motivation.

How we create Fear

We weave these stories we tell ourselves. Let’s say we have a story about how we will never move ahead in the world. So how do we get the story to jell?

a) We make a up storyline.

b) We gather a cast of characters.

c) We assign the cast their roles.

d) We create situations that hold us back.

e) We put our cast to work.

f) We put the voices of fear and doubt into action.

g) We turn our story into reality.

h) We tell the story.

Most stories we tell, have strong negative emotions with threads of fear woven into them. This presence stunts our growth, and helps us to remain in fear and the associated emotions and feelings.

So do yourself a favor today, keep your hormones in check, stop creating stories, and fear will walk right past you.

Kill Them With Kindness

Many years ago I recall me and my partner driving down the street. There was road construction and they had all traffic merging into one lane. As we merged, a woman drove her car almost into the side of our car on purpose. I unrolled my window, looked at her car touching our car and asked if there was a problem. I told her we were taking our turns merging like everyone else. I could tell how angry she was. I recall looking at her and said are you having a good day? She growled at me and said, “I was until you pulled in front of me.” I smiled at her and said, “Well if traffic is going to ruin your day, this is not about me.” I looked at her and suggested once we got through the light to go have a cup of chamomile tea at the coffee shop past the light and even offered to pay for it. She did not know what to do with my sincere kindness so she flipped me off and rolled up her window. I just smiled and rolled up mine.

I am no different than other people. I have moments of anger and act out like I shouldn’t. However, when push comes to shove, I always try to revert back to being kind. I can’t help but think it is the adult thing to do. Yet another story on kindness is currently there are a few people who have been trying to be hurtful to me and even bullying me. One of them made a long list of false allegations against me, and when I decided to use kindness instead of hate and anger, they went out to recruit other people to try to bully me even more. I responded the same way with this person as well as their recruits, with love and kindness.

The more kindness I gave these people, the harder they fought. Kindness, love, and compassion to them was like someone spilling water on the wicked witch of Oz. They reacted with more anger, more allegations and more hatred. All I could do was continue to offer them kindness, compassion, love, support, prayers and send them joy. To angry people, that does not go far. I began thinking, was it wrong to use kindness? Was it possible you really can kill someone with kindness?

The first thing I did was ask myself, what do I get in return from being kind instead of hateful like them? After meditation on this question I thought it certainly helps keep me calm and focused. It allows me to act like the adult I really am. It made me realize that negatives thoughts had less traction in my mind if I used kindness rather than being awful and mean. I had an understanding that kindness was calming.

What I began to really understand was that by being kind, it took away their power over me. I was the one who felt in charge and did not have to use hate, rudeness, threats, shame, or blame. I felt good offering these bullies of sorts the ability to learn kindness or the ability to move forward with love. It is important to note that kindness will not change their behavior, it will change YOUR behavior.

I think too often, we underestimate the power of love and kindness. If a person makes a mistake or unintentionally hurts someone, kindness will move mountains and it allows people to begin open dialog and heal. Kindness broadens our perspective. It makes us pay attention to things around us. It also offers us the ability to learn more compassion for ourselves as well as others.

Kindness can be contagious. 

Of course, that is not always the case such as the people who are teaming up to try to bully me. However, if people are healthy and understand kindness, then when they see kindness, they react with kindness. Buddha believes that it is through the great kindness of all living beings that we have the opportunity to live better and more peacefully. If family and friends so choose, they too can follow kindness and attempt to make world a more peaceful place.

When people who suffer have to react with hatred and meanness, all you can do is offer them kindness and hope they learn eventually that acts of kindness are better than acts of suffering. I like to have mantra about kindness such as “I am kindness, I cherish kindness.” This helps me maintain an open heart and try to react with kindness to the best of my ability.

So can you kill people with kindness? Of course not, but you can use kindness as an act of love to yourself and others and tamper people who make choices to be mean. As some people I know are trying to create an army of hate towards me, I am working on creating a landscape of love for them. When push comes to shove, all we have is kindness.

Letting People be Heard

Letting people be heard is the act of love and peace. It is giving ourselves to another person. It is saying we are honoring your ability to speak out what you need to speak out. Understanding what people have to say is more important to them than we will ever realize. Allowing people to vent is vital for their growth. If they are harboring feelings of self-guilt and shame, pity or resentment, they need to be heard. It is an instrument of healing. Being able to participate in it is an act of love.

Not too long ago I was the most fortunate recipient of someone whom I love dearly become very angry and decided to make horrible accusations against me. I say fortunate, because I was able to use this as one of the greatest learning tools that I have encountered in quite a while. As I read their anger, I became angry at first because their accusations were so far-fetched, it was obvious this person was dealing with their own internal suffering. As I read it a second time, and third time, I understood fully this was something they needed to get out. This would help them perhaps heal the inner demons and the illusion of the things that haunt them or bother them.

At first I reacted. Then after a day or two, I fully understood their attachment to their anger and that is caused them great suffering. When we suffer, we will attack people because it is easier to do that, then deal with your illusions. Most of what they said was based on their emotions, and no truth. Their emotions made them a prisoner of ill illusions and ill feelings towards people who love them.

Still, I read their letter, and loved them. They rejected the love, held onto their illusions, and chose suffering over compassion or understanding. That is their path to walk, and the important factor here to remember is that we allow people to be heard. Truth or illusion, they need to be heard.

With that in mind, it is important to remember that when people come from suffering due to illusions, it does not mean they are a bad person. It means they suffer. So when someone is going ballistic on you because of their own suffering, it is vital to listen, and not to take it to heart. Listen as the person is expressing themselves, even if it is insanity aka, continuing to choose the illusion over non suffering.

So be that person who is willing to listen (and or read) they chose you to hear them. What is crucial, is to make sure you protect yourself and your energy. Stand the higher ground so their suffering does not cause you suffering. You can send them compassion and love. To them, your love may be an illusion because they are so unable to accept love from you. They may want to remain attached and hold onto the illusions that make them remain in a state of anger.

Since one of the Buddhist meditations on compassion emphasizes how we are completely dependent on the kindness of all beings, it is important to send people like this daily compassion and love, and move forward. You do not have to participate in their anger or illusions or emotions. Just allow them to be heard, get it off their chest, and then wish them peace and continued success in hoping they find their own happiness.

Gratitude Equals Positive Attitude

The field of positive psychology has established a link between gratitude and good physical and mental health. Grateful people sleep better than extremely driven people. People with gratitude often take time to eat with their family rather than working late.

They put their family and self-first before a job. They tend to prepare their food more often than eating out. They value recreation and fitness. Yes, these are the traits that coincide with gratitude contribute to physical and mental health, a stronger immune system, and fewer diseases and by far on less medication.

People with a healthy sense of well-being have more self-confidence and friends. Studies show that social ties make people physically and mentally healthy and happier. Basically, it pays to be thankful for one’s life and accomplishments. When someone is always striving for something bigger, better, or always complaining and feeling victimized by something, people end up being less productive than pausing to give thanks for what is here now.

When you look at it as a whole, gratitude is like a cleansing agent for the soul. If we are grateful, then we move to what we want to do not what we have to do. Gratitude helps that glass from being half empty and makes it half full. More importantly, gratitude can help us to take focus away from self and personal needs and help us look at what we have been given and what we can offer others. It makes us realize that rather than living a life filled with stress, anxiety, and being unhappy, and teaches us that life is good and we are good.

So the best tip for holistic mental health is to use positive psychology and have an attitude of gratitude. It doesn’t come in a bottle, but I guarantee you, it works much faster than medication!