Kill Them With Kindness

Many years ago I recall me and my partner driving down the street. There was road construction and they had all traffic merging into one lane. As we merged, a woman drove her car almost into the side of our car on purpose. I unrolled my window, looked at her car touching our car and asked if there was a problem. I told her we were taking our turns merging like everyone else. I could tell how angry she was. I recall looking at her and said are you having a good day? She growled at me and said, “I was until you pulled in front of me.” I smiled at her and said, “Well if traffic is going to ruin your day, this is not about me.” I looked at her and suggested once we got through the light to go have a cup of chamomile tea at the coffee shop past the light and even offered to pay for it. She did not know what to do with my sincere kindness so she flipped me off and rolled up her window. I just smiled and rolled up mine.

I am no different than other people. I have moments of anger and act out like I shouldn’t. However, when push comes to shove, I always try to revert back to being kind. I can’t help but think it is the adult thing to do. Yet another story on kindness is currently there are a few people who have been trying to be hurtful to me and even bullying me. One of them made a long list of false allegations against me, and when I decided to use kindness instead of hate and anger, they went out to recruit other people to try to bully me even more. I responded the same way with this person as well as their recruits, with love and kindness.

The more kindness I gave these people, the harder they fought. Kindness, love, and compassion to them was like someone spilling water on the wicked witch of Oz. They reacted with more anger, more allegations and more hatred. All I could do was continue to offer them kindness, compassion, love, support, prayers and send them joy. To angry people, that does not go far. I began thinking, was it wrong to use kindness? Was it possible you really can kill someone with kindness?

The first thing I did was ask myself, what do I get in return from being kind instead of hateful like them? After meditation on this question I thought it certainly helps keep me calm and focused. It allows me to act like the adult I really am. It made me realize that negatives thoughts had less traction in my mind if I used kindness rather than being awful and mean. I had an understanding that kindness was calming.

What I began to really understand was that by being kind, it took away their power over me. I was the one who felt in charge and did not have to use hate, rudeness, threats, shame, or blame. I felt good offering these bullies of sorts the ability to learn kindness or the ability to move forward with love. It is important to note that kindness will not change their behavior, it will change YOUR behavior.

I think too often, we underestimate the power of love and kindness. If a person makes a mistake or unintentionally hurts someone, kindness will move mountains and it allows people to begin open dialog and heal. Kindness broadens our perspective. It makes us pay attention to things around us. It also offers us the ability to learn more compassion for ourselves as well as others.

Kindness can be contagious. 

Of course, that is not always the case such as the people who are teaming up to try to bully me. However, if people are healthy and understand kindness, then when they see kindness, they react with kindness. Buddha believes that it is through the great kindness of all living beings that we have the opportunity to live better and more peacefully. If family and friends so choose, they too can follow kindness and attempt to make world a more peaceful place.

When people who suffer have to react with hatred and meanness, all you can do is offer them kindness and hope they learn eventually that acts of kindness are better than acts of suffering. I like to have mantra about kindness such as “I am kindness, I cherish kindness.” This helps me maintain an open heart and try to react with kindness to the best of my ability.

So can you kill people with kindness? Of course not, but you can use kindness as an act of love to yourself and others and tamper people who make choices to be mean. As some people I know are trying to create an army of hate towards me, I am working on creating a landscape of love for them. When push comes to shove, all we have is kindness.

Letting People be Heard

Letting people be heard is the act of love and peace. It is giving ourselves to another person. It is saying we are honoring your ability to speak out what you need to speak out. Understanding what people have to say is more important to them than we will ever realize. Allowing people to vent is vital for their growth. If they are harboring feelings of self-guilt and shame, pity or resentment, they need to be heard. It is an instrument of healing. Being able to participate in it is an act of love.

Not too long ago I was the most fortunate recipient of someone whom I love dearly become very angry and decided to make horrible accusations against me. I say fortunate, because I was able to use this as one of the greatest learning tools that I have encountered in quite a while. As I read their anger, I became angry at first because their accusations were so far-fetched, it was obvious this person was dealing with their own internal suffering. As I read it a second time, and third time, I understood fully this was something they needed to get out. This would help them perhaps heal the inner demons and the illusion of the things that haunt them or bother them.

At first I reacted. Then after a day or two, I fully understood their attachment to their anger and that is caused them great suffering. When we suffer, we will attack people because it is easier to do that, then deal with your illusions. Most of what they said was based on their emotions, and no truth. Their emotions made them a prisoner of ill illusions and ill feelings towards people who love them.

Still, I read their letter, and loved them. They rejected the love, held onto their illusions, and chose suffering over compassion or understanding. That is their path to walk, and the important factor here to remember is that we allow people to be heard. Truth or illusion, they need to be heard.

With that in mind, it is important to remember that when people come from suffering due to illusions, it does not mean they are a bad person. It means they suffer. So when someone is going ballistic on you because of their own suffering, it is vital to listen, and not to take it to heart. Listen as the person is expressing themselves, even if it is insanity aka, continuing to choose the illusion over non suffering.

So be that person who is willing to listen (and or read) they chose you to hear them. What is crucial, is to make sure you protect yourself and your energy. Stand the higher ground so their suffering does not cause you suffering. You can send them compassion and love. To them, your love may be an illusion because they are so unable to accept love from you. They may want to remain attached and hold onto the illusions that make them remain in a state of anger.

Since one of the Buddhist meditations on compassion emphasizes how we are completely dependent on the kindness of all beings, it is important to send people like this daily compassion and love, and move forward. You do not have to participate in their anger or illusions or emotions. Just allow them to be heard, get it off their chest, and then wish them peace and continued success in hoping they find their own happiness.